WE NEED TO TALK

You get up in the morning.... don’t really remember about last night....your head is a little heavy... you check your phone... no missed calls... you have no one to call today.... you have nothing to talk about.... BANG!!! Surpriseeee.... you just broke up last night..... awwwww.....
What is a Break up?

A relationship breakup, often referred to simply as a breakup, is the termination of a usually intimate relation by any means other than death. The act is commonly termed "dumping [someone]" in slang when it is initiated by one partner.
The year 2010 was “The Great Breakup” year ... 7 out of 10 people broke up in that year. So if you were in a relation and you didn’t broke up.... NEWSFLASH!... you are getting married to them. Awwww!! Ok! Don’t be scared that wasn’t a fact.
So since last year was all about break ups, people requested me to write about it... although I don’t know anything about it but there are like 6-7 odd people who read and believe (strange!) what I write ...here is a research paper on BREAK UPS.
There are two parties involved in a breakup –
1) Dumper – The one who kicks the ass
2) Dumpee – The one whose ass gets kicked.

Types of Break ups

1) I am getting married – Ok! This one is the best..... This is the head line in your newspaper.... Dumper calls dumpee and tells them “I am getting married” ...... now you have all sorts of questions...when ...how...who...where....WHAT!!.... but trust me.....its over.... its not her Dad...or the money ...or some other guy ....She honestly dosent see herself with you.... and the excuse is as lame as “I did my homework but forgot the notebook at home.”

2) Shake hands- You tell its your parents or your age or caste and he says its his career , his mom, family ... and ultimately you convince yourself that its the so called “MUTUAL BREAK UP” and tell the world “ohh ! don’t call it a break up “ the devil inside you shouts “yesssss!!!!”. Both of you were smart enough to realize ...ITS TIME.

3) A friend in need is a friend indeed – She keeps weeping on her way home ...keeps fighting on the phone...her friends tell her “ohh hes a dog ...why don’t you dump him” But no! Shes sacrificing because she wants this to work.....But one day..... She says “its over...i cant take this anymore.” Behind such successful breakups there’s always a Friend ...remember the one who you used to accuse “What are you doing with him”....”ohh cumon yaar hes my friend” , yes...he’s the same guy and one day .....lala la lala lala la lala.......that friend becomes the Hero who saved you.....Really? ?

4) Santa Clause is Dead! – This break up is more of a disease which was first identified in the small towns of UP and MP where one sided lovers made the girl everyone’s bhabi and when she gets involved with some other guy, it was termed as a “breakup” when technically its not. But even this type of break up has evolved with time where the dumper is just sleeping around/taking financial help/watching a movie with you and the dumpee believes that they are in a relationship. Santa cannot die because there is no Santa bitch!

5) Press Conference - Its the most interesting form of break up where the two parties start washing their dirty linen in public. Eg. Confronting the dumper with a lot of people around on phone/road/college/office .....”saaaliiii tu mujhe chodegeiii”...or “kuttey ..hawas k pujaarii..” and many more such opening speeches, its just so much fun.

6) Not-so-Break up – You don’t see any future in the relationship and you don’t want to be tagged as Dumpees girl/boy friend so you dump them but now you give them the “I still love you” candy, for reasons like you miss sleeping with them, you have no one to go to a movie with , you are getting bored, you hate the fact that they are with a new person now and the list of reasons goes on... but technically, it is a break up but its not a break up...ok even am confused on this one.

7) WHATTTT!!!! – The type of break up in which dumpee gets to know that they are dumped and is in a stage of shock and disbelief as they thought things were fine. The exact reason of this type of break up has not been identified but researchers are still working on it. Eg. Beep beep! Beep beep! (sms) Its over between you and me.....WHATTTT!



Stages of a Break up

1. Dissatisfaction – one or both partners grow dissatisfied with the relationship
2. Exposure – both partners mutually become aware of the problems in the relationship
3. Negotiation – both partners attempt to negotiate a solution to problems
4. Resolution and transformation – both partners apply the yield of their negotiation
5. Termination – proposed resolution fails to rectify issues and no further solutions are accepted or applied

When should you know you are going to get dumped –

1) Dumper talks to their “mom” a lot on phone.
2) Dumper has brought a new topic for conversation and its a “person”
3) Dumper is hanging out with friends they never liked so much.
4) Dumper turns philosophical.
5) Dumper suddenly changes their view about you and thinks they are smarter than you.
6) Dumper starts talking about how the people around don’t like you so much.
7) Dumper needs space
8) Dumper wants to discuss “stuff” with you when the time is right.