Single All The Way

I was 18 when I first was in a relationship till last year, so its been almost 5 years, ok! I know there were different girls in these five years so am not the right person to talk about being in a relationship but I have just completed a year being single, and trust me it has been awesome and yes I am qualified enough to talk about Singlehood as I am no fat, specs wearing, burger eating geek with acne issues who says “hey I’m happy being single!” when the truth is ,he doesn’t have an option. So I will tell you why you need or should be Single. I have nothing against ‘love’, in fact I like people who are in love. But Love and Relationship are two completely different things. Love is a dream and relationship is the reality , like a person might have a dream company like Microsoft, and when you dream of it you only imagine the big building, long cars, houses, the respect etc., do you ever dream of the work load, peer pressure, fear of unemployment, under performance etc.? No! You don’t , because that is the reality and similarly those magical moments of love is a dream and when you are in a relationship you get a Reality Check. Thats why they call it Customer RELATIONSHIP management and not Customer LOVE management because its different.

So I came up with this research paper out of my own experiences to present you the most important reasons why being Single rocks and being in a relationship sucks (Big time).

Relationship Sucks –

1) Anti boys nights - The worst part comes first, its the Boys night spoiler, like you are in the middle of this cricket game or a guy movie like Men of honour or Die hard or X- Men all heated up and you are swearing your throats out Maa @!@$ Bahen#$#% all over the place and then suddenly the phone rings and then not just you but everyone else have to shut up because Mr. Sugar muffin has to talk to his Ms. Pretty Tweety and the rest of the guys sit and stare as they play toy factory on phone, Spoiling a guys night is like disrespecting a religion.

2) Cry baby effect- What we forget in a relationship is that we are men, we are born tough, yes we fight, but we fight other men and not your own girl friend tough guys! And the finishing hold in such fights is...... the one who cries more wins!! Come on! Dont make that face you ‘Into a relation’ person I know you are reading this, you cry! that to all night, please I beg you for the sake of your roomie, you kill him!, God ! I have been stuck in such cross border issues where my roomie has cried all night and it made me puke, yes!!, twice!!. And the worst part is that they are ok the next morning like it was a routine exercise.

3) East India Effect- Remember how the British realized that India was a beautiful country and they decided to destroy it. Similarly in a relationship, a person discovers how good you are and then takes away everything that was good in you, My friend was an excellent performer but he stopped performing because his girl friend didn’t liked him on public display and he should rather concentrate on his career rather getting involved in stupid stuff like ‘performing’ which was supposed to be his passion (Its our passion woman). Even the guys aint behind, one of my female friend has a personality alteration every time she dates a guy because she wants to be his ‘perfect girl’ I don’t think she remembers how she actually was.

4) Possessiveness Or Ownership- I understand that when you love someone you are possessive about him/her but when in a relation you try to own the person, my girl friend used to get pissed off just because I used to say “kareena is the sexiest woman in the world” or may be I used to feel bad if she said “oh that guy has got a real attitude” and I am like “hey you want to see attitude!” I mean we don’t realize that when two people are dating that doesn’t make them the best in the world, isn’t it enough that we connect mentally.

5) The ‘F’ Word- Ok don’t get me wrong am talking about the other ‘F’ word which is far more disturbing, yes..... the FUTURE!!!, people are so bored living their present that they start discussing their future, like the house that they are going to have even before they graduate, yes everything is decided the locality, the colour, the car they are going to buy and in certain extreme but recurring cases the name of their unborn children.

Single rocks-

1) Today Mail- When you are single today is just today, its not 27^th December or 12^th June or 4^th January, I mean your days are not divided into Anniversaries like first kiss, first date, first movie, monthly anniversary , other firsts (my family reads this blog so please)

2) The Science of Singlehood- See am not that good with math but my statistics say that your good looks is directly proportionate to your attractiveness which is directly proportionate to your availability and Availability = Not in a relationship. So single people always look extra good.

3) Being YOU- You know what is the synonym of Single, its solo, its being you on your own, its being awesome (ok I just made the last one up), the first thing I did after my breakup was to get a hair cut, I know it was weird but then I did it because I wanted to do it, Simple!. You can wear whatever you want, eat whatever you want(non vegetarians with ex- vegetarian partners would have got a smile already.) in short do whatever you want to.

4) Avoid Ageing- do you know why Salman khan still looks sexy at this age ? ... Because he doesn’t sticks to a relation, even Sanjay Dutt used to be sexy until he he got MARRIED (ohh am about to puke!). Yes and now look at him, shell of a man. I wasn’t sure about this theory after watching Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt as they look so good, so young even after being in a relationship but then recently heard that they are breaking up, YES!! LHS screws RHS so Hence Proved.

5) Hocus Focus- No, its not a magical spell but rather a key to success, if you can just analyze your best days or should I say most successful years are the ones when you have been single because being single allows you to focus on what you want in life, you can do stuff you always wanted to which you wouldn’t be able to until unless your partners want to do it too (that’s rare). Like you can paint, you can dance, run a NGO, join politics and lot more because you have a lot of time to think about what you want to do and actually do it.

DISCLAIMER –

This paper is not written to encourage break ups and singlehood in order to get the guys out of the competition list and to keep the girls in the available list for the writer ....... or may be it is ;)